Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am naked and annoyed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
