I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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