i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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