Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
