I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
