i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
