I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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