At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
