I think I just saw someone hide a body.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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