All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
