I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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