just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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