I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
