I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
