this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.