I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
