ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.