Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.