Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?