well I can't set my house on fire every night
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just cropdusted the office
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.