I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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