weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This baby is an asshole
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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