I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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