No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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