just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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