Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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