Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I love you.
Bad choice
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
