And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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