I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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