Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
