I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
