lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
