Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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