he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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