I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
