It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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