When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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