No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I didn't notice because vodka
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My feet surprised me
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