I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
