Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
