It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?