a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
