i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
