Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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