so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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