there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
