a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
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