everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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