the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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