Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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