my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
