me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
