Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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