he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
