I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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