I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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