she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
