You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
