I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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