If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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