conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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