So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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