Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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