I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
