I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
