I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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