I need help removing her.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
