WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
