ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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