I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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