when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
