he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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