So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
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