he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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