dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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