the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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