Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
