This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The air was thick with penises
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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