3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
