And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
