Little spoons don't ask big questions
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He has the fingertips of a God
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