my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
