why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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