No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
