I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
