I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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