She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize