Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
