You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dear god my vagina.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
